How to Start Over When You Don’t Know Who You Are Anymore
A guide to navigating the uncertain middle between who you were and what’s next
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This post comes out of my past week—my brain looping, flopping around, trying to figure out what I’m supposed to focus on next. I’m desperate for a concrete, satisfying to-do list. Instead, it’s just me, my computer, and a blank page. I keep circling the same question: how should I spend my days?
Why is this still so hard? I have Work Unseen, my little rock in the storm. And still, I feel sloppy. Directionless. I’m writing this post for me, and for you.
You’re in-between. You’ve been laid off. You’ve quit.
You’re in a role and just starting a passion project.
Not who you were, not yet who you’re becoming.
You don’t have a title that fits, a project that clicks, or a plan that feels solid.
And you’re not alone. This is what transition actually feels like—uncertain, unstructured, and deeply uncomfortable. Especially for people who are used to being productive, visionary, or on a clear path.
Here’s what might be making it worse:
1. YOUR OLD IDENTITY DOESN’T FIT ANYMORE
Maybe you used to be a founder, a creative director, a manager, a teacher—whatever gave you structure and external validation.
Now you’re not just starting over, you’re starting awkward. In public. Without a clean narrative. Without a fixed label.
That feeling of “What am I doing with my life?” is often just a sign you’re between frameworks—not broken.
2. NOTHING FEELS LIKE THE RIGHT SIZE
Big projects feel risky: “What if I go all-in on the wrong thing?”
Small projects feel pointless: “What’s the ROI of a zine or a Substack post?”
You’re stuck in the tension where nothing feels quite right.
Too fragile. Too uncertain. Too vague.
It’s a loop: you want clarity, but every direction feels slightly off.
3. WAITING FOR CLARITY IS NOT A MOVE
Maybe you're telling yourself:
“Once I figure out what I want to do, I’ll go all in.”
But clarity doesn’t usually come from thinking. It comes from doing—writing, sharing, experimenting, publishing something small.
The longer you wait to feel certain, the harder it becomes to move at all.
4. THE SILENT PRESSURE IS CRUSHING
You’re not just choosing what to make next.
You’re trying to make money. Stay visible. Reinvent yourself without losing momentum or self-worth.
And that pressure? It quietly infects everything. Even the things that should feel fun.
No wonder you're hesitating. You're not just making work. You're trying to hold your entire identity together.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
Don’t aim for the perfect plan.
Start with something that’s:
🦋 Light to begin, but expansive over time
🍎 Lets you share publicly, without oversharing or overexplaining
🚜 Creates a trail of proof that you’re still moving
You don’t need to know what it is yet. Just pick something that feels alive—even if you can’t rationalize it yet.
TRY THIS: A 10-Minute Reset for When You’re Stuck
Picture this: It’s Monday.
You’re in between worlds—projects, jobs, identities.
Your brain wants a nap and a breakthrough. All the things.
Here’s something that’s helped me (and might help you too):
Pick → Plan → Post
One small thing. One clear move. That’s it. This isn’t about building your long-term strategy—it’s about picking a direction and taking a step.
Pick ONE and Set Time for 10-Minutes ⏰
Not the perfect, precious project.
Just one thing that feels alive enough to move toward.
Here are a few low-pressure ideas:
Write a short note about what you're exploring right now
Add doodles, lyrics, brain dump as you’d like.Start something analog
A zine, a sketchbook, a notebook full of ideas. 5 minutes counts.Create a “Now Page”
A public note or doc that says: here’s what I’m doing, here’s where I’m heading.
I did this, this week! Check out mine, here. Very easy and satisfying.Send a DM or email to someone you admire
Low-stakes connection. No pitch. Reach out and touch.Name your next step out loud
Voice memo it. Text it. Write it in your notes app. That’s the move.
Inspired by Doechii time-based experiments – read more here:
Why this works:
It turns vague overwhelm into a specific action
It builds a quiet trail of proof that you’re in motion
It brings back a little momentum—and momentum brings clarity
You don’t need to find your “thing” today. Just pick one small, living thread and pull.
That’s how you find your way out of the spiral—by making a move before you feel ready. It’s a start. Baby steps, friends.
Speaking of baby…
whew the silent pressure IS crushing! this hit home: "No wonder you're hesitating. You're not just making work. You're trying to hold your entire identity together."
thank you for creating and sharing this post! it feels like a lot of folks are stuck in this situation right now, and it's motivating to hear how others are working through it. keep on keeping on! :)
“You’re not just choosing what to make next. You’re trying to make money. Stay visible. Reinvent yourself without losing momentum or self-worth.” Have you being camping out in my brain? 😂 This liminal space is HARD. But it helps to read and connect with essays like this. Thank you. 🙏